i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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