My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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