once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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