paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
