I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
