Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
