I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
