So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
