Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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