my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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