UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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