thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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