That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
