Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
