Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
