Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
