I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
