If i come over, it means nothing
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
