Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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