I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
