dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
