You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
