He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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