nut hugger
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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