Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
