Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
