I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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