Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
time to smoke my breakfast
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
