The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
