My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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