theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
