I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
