Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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