Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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