hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
