Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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