you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
