Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
