Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
