i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
