You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
