i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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