Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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