First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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