this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize