i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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