he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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