After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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