conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
