you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
