I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
