my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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