i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
