You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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