I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
