Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
