i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
