I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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