Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize