i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
