uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
