I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
