he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We are two peas in an std pod
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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